A naked man and four pounds of parmesan cheese

Perhaps this afternoon’s commute home was my own little “bookbagpocketshoe” moment.  Or maybe I simply let loose into the universe some wackadoodle vibes by laughing at the misfortune of others.

It all started on the Metro-North platform as I waited with my co-workers for the 6:20 train to New York.

After coming across the latest LISNews post, I read aloud the following news item:

A man faces charges after an unusual incident at a local library. 52-year-old Darrell Bess was taken into custody yesterday, naked, armed with knives and several pounds of stolen cheese.

Police searched his bag and found two knives, two library CD’s and 4 pounds of parmesan cheese which he allegedly stole from a local store.

After our immense relief at reading that the said items were found in a bag, we speculated about the various reasons for the knives and music, but mostly about the huge hunk of cheese.  Could he be a werewolf recently metamorphosed back into human shape?  But why plan for a snack and not a pair of shorts?  Puzzling, indeed.

Finally, our train arrived and we discovered it packed to the brim with oodles of oddballs of one stripe or another. There was the ungodly number of rowdy frat boys and girls holding shiny blue plastic cups and holding forth as if the vestibule was their own private singles club.  Although, to be fair, that’s not too far out of the ordinary for the Metro-North prior to a long weekend.

Then, we spotted (or rather heard….and felt) the Uncontrollable Sneezing Man.  Poor gentleman was clearly more allergic to popped collars than I am.  Sadly for him, and for those of us sitting in front, behind, and to the side of him, the sinus attack continued non-stop for nearly fifty minutes.  Ever more sadly for us, he was not a man acquainted with the fine art of sneezing into one’s elbow, or even the coarser art of covering one’s mouth.  Fifty. Minutes.

Next, there was the singing woman.  Perhaps she always hums loudly and sings to herself on crowded, snot-drenched commuter trains.  Maybe the frat pack or the sneezing man was fraying her nerves and she needed to practice some self-soothing tunes.  I suppose she may have just wanted to share her love of atonal music by performing an impromptu concert for the masses.

I’m certainly looking forward to another eventful ride tomorrow evening.  I’m just hoping parmesan cheese is in no way involved.


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